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Ugh. It's been a crazy week around here and I am sort of going through one of those times when life sort of gets you down. Don't get me wrong--life is GREAT, and I am seriously so happy. I'm thankful for where the Lord has me right now and feel so incredibly blessed with all that I have! I guess at the moment I am just feeling a bit overwhelmed.

In church the last couple of weeks, our pastors have been preaching on priorities and focusing on our biggest priorities rather than getting distracted with all those little things in life that can quickly pile on and become big things. It got me thinking about what my true priorities are. Like many people, my biggest priorities are God and family. That's a no-brainer for me. But I wanted to kind of break it down more specifically for myself, and I decided that my everyday priorities at this stage in life are:

• To spend time with the Lord every day; to make it to church, community group, and Bible study every week.
• To be a good wife and helper/supporter for Josh; to spend quality time with him and nurture our relationship.
  
• To teach Noah to be obedient, respectful, and to have a good attitude; to spend time every day both playing with him and teaching him; to take time to do fun things with him (like playgroup, etc)
• To get Sam in a good routine; to take time to teach him and work with him on things
• To keep the house picked up and clean; keep up with all the cleaning, laundry, dishes, and ironing so that it is all done by the time Josh gets home; to cook dinner at least 3 times a week.

All these things are important to me because I feel like they are good for our family. Some of them may seem unimportant--like keeping the house clean, or getting Sam in a good routine. But to me those things are important because they keep our family running more smoothly and keep everyone happier.

So. The overwhelming part was realizing that I am pretty much failing at each of these things. I am not spending enough time with the Lord. I have actually made it to community group every week, and to Bible study when everyone is healthy, and the last couple of weeks I have been going back to church since having Sam. But I wouldn't say I am getting everything that I can out of those things, mostly because I have Sam with me which can be just a bit of a distraction. I feel like I could definitely do better at being a good wife to Josh, and the quality time thing almost makes me laugh because who in the world has time for that? But I know how important it is to make the time and we haven't been doing it. Don't even get me started on the Noah stuff. This may be the thing that has me the most down right now. We are just going through a tough phase with him right now where he is battling us on every single thing, and far too often he is winning those battles. That is the part that is hard for me. I honestly just feel like I am doing a terrible job at disciplining him and teaching him that I am in charge, and that overwhelms me because I know how important that is. He is spending way too much time watching TV, and I haven't been playing with him or teaching him nearly enough. Getting Sam in a routine makes me laugh a little too, because it just seems so impossible. Things with him feel so inconsistent, especially his naps, and that is frustrating for me. I know he is only 2 months old but I don't even feel like I am making good strides. I also feel major guilt about the time I am able to spend with him--I feel like he spends much more time in his swing or watching his mobile than Noah ever did. I want to be able to spend more time playing with him, talking to him, etc. because I know those things are important for his development. And then there's the housework. This is definitely my biggest failure of all. And yes it is probably the least important of all these things, but like I said I think it having a clean, organized home keeps everyone happier and just more secure. But unfortunately our floors are usually dirty, the mail in unorganized, dishes are piled in the sink, etc. It drives me crazy! But no matter how hard I try, I can't stay on top it.

So it's frustrating. I have all these things that are true priorities for me, but somehow I am not able to focus on any of them the way I would like to. I hate that. I feel like since my full-time job is to be a wife and mom, I should have this down. I know a lot of people say it's just this "season of life", or "it's just the way it is", but those answers are just a little hard for me to accept. I just want to do a good job.

I know this is a totally different kind of post than what I normally write. I think it just helps me to write it all out. And I don't know if many people really look at my blog, but if anyone still does maybe someone has some wisdom to share. Maybe someone has a good trick for "doing it all"--or maybe you know a good housekeeper who works on a volunteer basis? :)