blooming

Back in September when we were getting ready to start the 4th year of our incredible Bible Study, I joked with a friend that it felt like we were beginning our senior year. And now it's so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that we have "graduated". Bloom (Building a Legacy Out Of Motherhood) (formerly Moms n More) has been a huuuuge part of my life for the last 4 years and has had an incredible impact on me as a wife and mom. I'm not so great at "putting myself out there" or really writing about anything besides my cute kids, but I am going to attempt to tell my Bloom story here for memory's sake.

(sidenote, you don't actually have to "graduate" from Bloom after 4 years, but as I will explain later I've decided to move on or at least take a hiatus beginning next year)

After I had Noah, life was hard. I had always, always, always wanted to be a mommy and knew even as a young girl that I wanted to stay home with my kids. But nothing can really prepare you for having that first baby and the loneliness that can come along with it. For me, it was very lonely. Not only did I have very few friends with kids, but I had NO friends who stayed home. I had already prayed for years that God would bring me close friends who shared my faith--and, He had begun to answer that prayer when I was in college and made some friends that I still hold dear. However, Josh and I had moved 3 times in the first 4 years of our marriage, living in 3 different towns in 2 different states, and it's hard to hold onto old friendships and develop new ones through all that. 

Fast forward to August 2008. Noah was 4 months old, and for the first 4 months of his life Facebook and blogs were my only connection to the world outside my house (sad, I know. I'm just being honest). I was stalking people on Facebook one day and I kept seeing people mention their excitement over something called Moms n More that was apparently starting the next week. Out of curiosity and a bit of desperation for a cure to my loneliness, I messaged a Facebook friend and asked what this Moms n More thing was all about. She responded that same day and told me it was a Bible Study at Fellowship for young moms and then she graciously said that she would love for me to sign up and be in her small group because she was a co-leader of a new moms group that year. The Lord's hand was all over that situation and I can now see that He led me right where He wanted me to be at that moment in my life--and for the next 4 years. Childcare was full, MnM was starting the very next week, I knew no one in the group and felt like I was going to be an outsider; but, somehow it all worked out and the next week I walked into a group that finally brought me out of the lonely place I had been for the longest few months of my life.

Out of that first small group are many of the people that I now consider to be my nearest and dearest friends. I waited for years for God to answer my prayer for close friendships with fellow believers, but He knew what He was doing and it was worth the wait. I could go on and on about these precious friends and what they mean to me, but you guys know who you are and I love ya :)

Another huge blessing that comes out of Bloom is being fed, counseled and uplifted by wise moms with a few more years under their belts. Not only are our large group teachers just incredible, but I have had the privilege of having some amazing small group leaders invest in my life over the years. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of and apply something that I have learned from one of these incredible women. 

Above everything else though, I have grown closer to the Lord through my time in Bloom, and He has revealed Himself to me in so many new ways. He has shown me areas where I need to grow and gently pushed me toward growth. He has revealed to me all the wrong things I have been chasing and taught me to chase after Him instead. He has shown me what it really means to love and serve my husband and my kids with selflessness and compassion. He has told me that He understands my daily struggles in this difficult stage of life and has reminded me over & over (and over & over again--I need a lot of reminding!) that I need to rely on Him above everything else, because life is hard but He is GOOD. 

They've asked us in Bloom this year, "what is God doing in your life that is causing you to bloom?" In the words of my wise friend Rebekah, I know I'm still just in the bud stage of blooming. But I know for sure that one of the things He has done in my life to cause me to bloom is Bloom. 

It's been a really difficult decision for me to take a break from Bloom next year. I bet I'll even cry on that first Tuesday morning in September. But the baby boy that I know I just gave birth to a few short months ago is starting preschool next year, and our family's life is getting busier and busier. I'm a big believer that life can get over-crowded even with "good" things. Bloom is a very, very good thing but my time with my kiddos is even better. If we did Bloom next year that would leave us with no full days at home with me & both boys. It probably sounds crazy to some people because it's just preschool for Noah, but I can just see my time as the primary influence in their lives ticking away and I want to hold tightly to it for as long as I can! 

(by the way, I totally reserve the right to have a change of heart and sign up for Bloom next year ;) HA!)

It took me forever to write all this down and it's far from my normal phone-picture-and-vacation-chronicling blog posts, but I am sure glad I took the time to reflect on what Bloom has meant to me. I will always consider it as a clear example in my life that God has good plans for me and that He answers prayers.

(I stole the above picture of our Bloom "letting go" ceremony from Amanda's blog. It was one of my favorite Bloom moments!)